What are friends for? No, seriously I don’t understand!

Who with Aspergers has friends? What is the difference between friends and acquaintances? Then is there personal friends and work friends? Are people at work called friends? How often do you see your friends?

I have a couple of friends who I haven’t seen in months and it doesn’t bother me. Does this make me a bad/horrible person?

There is 1 friend who I see everyday – my husband.

There is 1 friend I see 2/3/4 times a week – Sam (my minister.)

Everyone else have drifted away. I don’t make the effort to keep in contact which I become aware of when my husband reminds me. Even then I get a panic/anxiety attack and we don’t talk about it again for another 6 months. It doesn’t occur to me that I haven’t seen friends in so long. I love living my life in my own world.

When I do start making plans I start to get anxious. I worry about what we will do, talk about, worry if I’m looking interested enough (which sadly I am often not unless I am talking about myself/my interests), then I panic about where we will go, if its a new place, will I be able to cope with all the sensory input. I can’t sociliase for too long, maybe 1/2 hours but its hard to to stand up and walk out as I never know how to end the day or recognise social cues.

When I get home I tend to cry as I’m trying to process what happened. Usually because I didn’t want to be there, there was spontaenous plans, things were different than I expect etc. It can sometimes be painful.

I like to stay in my own space, in my own house, usually watching and rewatching Disney/Stargate SG-1. I don’t like people coming into my space or getting in the way of my own time.

On the otherhand, I can become quite obsessed with a single friend at a time and find it difficult when they are seeing other friends – I’m like a jealous partner. Its crazy!

I find my Aspergers gives me a ALL or NOTHING view on life. Shame.

I think I’m a nice person though ….

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