Back again … part 2!

 

So my last post was 4 months ago, now what has happened since then?

  • I’ve been struggling finding medication that will make me feel better.
  • I’ve lost all interest in everything.
  • Christmas had its usual effect of making me super anxious due to starting a new year.
  • My nan died.
  • My depression and anxiety got worse.
  • It’s still bad.
  • I recently celebrated my 2nd wedding anniversary.

I’m 16 days away from my trip to Disney World, something I spent all of 2016 waiting for and now it’s here I can’t find the strength to even pretend to be happy or excited about. My depression is at an all time worse, my anxiety is at its highest. Medication doesn’t seem to be touching it, I’m on a 9 month waiting list for therapy and my GP just talks utter crap to me until I walk out because it makes no sense to me.

I’m stuck in a rutt. However this rutt is getting deeper. My head makes no sense, it’s just cloudy. I feel depressed and anxious but I don’t really know why. It’s killing me because I need to know why. I know it’s probably related to my nans death.

Everything is a trigger for me. I can look at anything and it can bring unwanted thoughts that bring up my anxiety. I can’t even escape into my own world. The world I created in my head to escape from the struggles of my reality has a permeant padlock now so I can’t find comfort.

 

So yeah life has been slightly difficult recently. I’m waiting for my GP to find more medication and write to the therapy company to see if they can help me sooner but that was a week ago, so I’m not holding out on that now.

Do I just carry on crying and hurting until someone somewhere can help me, if it’s possible? Do I save up money and get my own therapy? Could I afford to see a psychologist? I’ve never seen one before, and I’ve only been in the presence of a Psychiatrist for about 3 hours for my autism assessment. Will a basic therapist do?

Picture from https://www.facebook.com/MentalHealthandInvisibleIllnessResource

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