Is it a little irrational in here or is it just me?

Ok so i’ve been gone for ages. I’m on my last stage of coming off my mirtazapine (so i’m between 15mg and 0mg!!) and I have my appointment all ready at the Stein Centre (mental health centre) to pop me on something else, great news! … actually no. I don’t know if I want to go on more medication again. However after the other day, waking up at 12am and stimming for about 5 hours straight because I was very anxious over going somewhere the next day, maybe I need to?

I’ve also been thinking a little unrationally too. My head had been buzzing. All this has happened when I’ve been at home. What happens when I start getting out again to church, to youth club etc. while not on a 2nd medication, would I cope?

There is one thing that has been keeping me busy and sane … Cricut Explore Air machine! The bestest thing ever for crafting.

From all of this, me and the hubby have decided to let me work for myself, printing t-shirts, about aspergers …. I’m so excited. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to go back to working as a TA or any job. Then I got my Cricut machine and I’ve been cutting cothing vinyl and designs t-shirts.

I see lots of t-shirts telling me Aspergers is awesome but people don’t get to see the other side of Aspergers like having a meltdown because the till lady asked you if you needed a bag for your shopping (now bags aren’t free, they ask you if you need one!).

At the time its a horrendous experience but looking back its quite funny and being a deadpan person, people find my wording of experiences very funny!

SOOOOO … #AspieIssues is my current venture, its going to be a long road but i’m so excited! I’m thinking of t-shirts, canvas bags, mobile phone covers! my cover picture is an example of one of my t-shirts.

If you like the look of them or want to see more, find me on facebook using @aspieissues. My page is called Hashtag AspieIssues (they wouldn’t let me use a # symbol). I’ve only just created it tonight so bare with me!!

 

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Church got a little bit messy on Sunday

So yesterday was the first Messy Church session for me and Moreton and I rather enjoyed it.

We decided to start of with the one and only man, Elvis Pre- I’m joking, it was Jesus. So we decked the room out with christmas decorations and deeply analysed the story of Jesus … well actually we played pass the parcel, while listening to christmas tunes with each layer of the parcel containing a picture relating to Jesus’ birth!

I was impressed on the knowledge that the children had on the birth of Jesus. The next step it to help them realise how awesome he was/is and how much he loves us all! – Challenge accepted!! (Sam might murder me for accepting that MASSIVE challenge on her behalf!)

The afternoon was filled with a family BBQ to celebrate Toms wonderful 36 years of life on this earth! I think it was just an excuse to get the BBQ out, he seemed to really enjoy it. I think it’s a man thing! Tom is my cousins hubby! Nicest bloke on the planet, most difficult bloke to understand (he has a unique accent – mixture of everywhere in England I think!

I was feeling a little pooped on sunday night so I knew today had to be  a rest day! Aspie issue 101 – I have to schedule in rest days. These rest days often consist of me sitting alone for long periods of time as socialising of any form is extremely tiring for me 😦 I love being alone, I like to escape to my little world in my head which is often modelled of what ever TV series or book I am obsessing over at the time!

I have 3 TV series I obsess over: Stargate SG-1, Once Upton A Time & House M.D. I watch these consistently. So for example, I could watch Stargate SG-1 over and over again for 6-7 months. While watching these TV series I watch a lot of Disney Films/Disney Youtube videos.

It’s weird but its me and it’s also what other aspies do. This is how we feel happy and safe and calm in this crazy world.

Wean me off gently.

Aspie issue 101 – medication!

I’ve decided that I can’t cope with the constant hot flushes/sweating, weight gain & leg pain so I’ve decided that I need to come off my 2nd medication Mirtazapine. I already take Venlafaxine and Diazepam.

So this starts 4 weeks of gradually decreasing my medication 30mg to 15mg then 15mg to ZERO! I’m not looking forward to the side effect of trying to come off it – sickness, dizyness, tirdness, headaches (according to the internet!) …. PLUS I’ll gain the added anxiety and paranoia that it has been helping combat + back to sleepless nights!

This is like a forewarning that my blogs over the next 4 weeks may be slightly deranged, no I’m joking, I mean they might seem slightly far fetched and perculiar as my mood will be rather unstable!

I may spend tomorrow typing up  a blog on exactly what I suffer with and more about me and my Aspergers.

Now thats a Major job !!

I thought working with children to be a demanding job. Children are our future and we need to spend the time and effort making sure they grow into the normal respectable people this world needs to carry on.

When I chose my career to be child orienteered I thought I would be putting the world to right by saving all these young people and making sure they were psychologically sound for the future that was in store … then I explored religion and found a job much more difficult.

In the Salvation Army, the people who we see as vicars e.g. Dawn French as the Vicar of Dibley, go by the term ministers (I think). But within the army they have a rank such as Major. Being a minister in the Salvation Army is all about bring people to God – both believers and non believers – saving them. Recently me and the hubby having been attending the core church of our local Salvation Army which is run by Major Jonathon. He is simply amazing. His calm spirit and passion for Jesus gives me so much inspiration. He is a truly blessed with the gift of sharing the word of God and Jesus. I am in awe of his beautiful passion and love for God. I feel so very blessed to have crossed paths with both Sam and Jonathon.

Tonight I thought how difficult it can be to minister people when they sometimes loose the end sight that we are here to love and spread the word of Jesus and live a life of Jesus. My idea of saving young people was suddenly irrelevant when I think about them 2 on their mission to show EVERYONE the love of Jesus and save the world. The it dawned on me, maybe it’s not difficult for Sam and Jonathon, they are called upon by God. I am blessed to have them in my life.

Then I started to think what happens if I get a call from God, … yeah I think I’ll end this blog now before I get ahead of myself 🙂

p.s i haven’t spell checked it as i’m too tired.

Whats in a name?

Wow its been 8 days since my last post. For anyone who has been following and enjoying my blog I apologise profusley! I’ve been lazy! I was going to make an excuse but I don’t generally lie … I have been kind of busy suffering with all sorts of side effects from my medication!

Aspie issue 101 – anyone who is following, if anyone takes medication called Mirtazapine do you suffer from any side effects? (Obviously you don’t have to say you are on medication, thats cool!)

Whats in a name I hear you repeat as you wonder why I use this title … I have become a mother to 2 more furbabies – budgies! The last time I had a budge I was 3/4 years old, he was a nark, called Billy and the only words he could say was ‘Billys a dirty bastard’. The latter was due to his long standing owner (Nelly) repeating that to him because he didn’t clean himself! I can assue you I won’t be calling Chip and Dale anything but my beautiful babies 🙂

(The name is inspired from Disney and a dedication to my husband! However as the days have gone on we are thinking Chip is a girl which then leads us to the dreaded thought of …BABIES :0)

My last post was about does God love my mum even though shes blatently going to hell … I joke, well she probably is but not because shes a wicked person but because she doesn’t accept Jesus as her saviour.This week I haven’t so much been thinking over about God but more like crying my eyes out at the possibility of never seeing John again in any sort of afterlife and that the rest of our lives together isn’t enough for me to be with him. I cried so hard I gave myself a headache so ended up getting off to sleep with my 3omg Mirtazapine, 3 ibrobrupen and 10mg Diazepam.

I can’t imagine life without him. I don’t want to grow old so I don’t have to face life without him. Then it dawned on me that Gods plan could be that he leaves this world next week so I’d have an even longer span of life without him. Then I thought about the next 60 years together (a realistic number of years left) and equated it to how many time we would be able to go to disney and then cried more because it wasn’t enough. Then tried to comprehend that when we die its over, we don’t exsit anymore so I wouldn’t see John ever again … I could go on but I’m sure you get the jist of it. In this situation I think my Aspergers is stopping me from seeing the realistic view on life and only see the logical view – when I say logical I mean the bare facts, most people can understand that that is just how life is but I can’t. It’s like I expect everything to carry on happening forever, I don’t understand there being an end or change – ASPIE ISSUE 101!!

I have high and low moments/moods, I swing between them quite dramatically and that was definitely a low night!

Feel free to pop your opinion in the comments about anything. I love knowing other peoples opinions .. I’m also nosey so its a win win situation 🙂

 

Does God love my mum?

So today has consisted of me trying to prepare for the Guardians of Ancora holiday club that starts on Monday. It’s a holiday club run through the Slavation Army with Sam!

Last night was Aroma in Tesco cafe. Aroma is a discussion group also run by Sam (brilliant woman, you should meet her one day!) about God and life which was followed by a invite to a lady’s house (Margaret, a wise and loving lady!) to talk, which was also kind of God related.

So God has been on my mind. The next thing I knew I was filled with guilt. Why? Because of my mum!

I think one of my aspie issues 101 is the unhealthy attachment I have to my mum. I never knew how to form normal relationships so I just tried harder to make sure she liked me, I became too attached.

My mum doesn’t believe in religion and God so I was never brought up with it, actually she’s quite against it. When I started to explore it I was just looking into it, now I’m living my life full of religion I’m scared shes going to not like me anymore. Surely a mum can’t not like her daughter over that? I don’t know, I don’t understand how people work.

Why can’t I just enjoy religion in my life and just relax and know my mum won’t hate me, I’m sure she can just accept it, or can she? Argh!

How do I fully enjoy Jesus in my life when I’m constantly worried what my mum is thinking? How do I break this unhealthy attachment and build a normal one?

My feature picture is of me, dad, hubby and mum on my wedding day. This is the only picture I have with me and mum in it.

 

This post could make no sense, I don’t feel like I can make much sense of my head at the moment …

THANK YOU :)

That big thank you title ^^ … thats for the people who liked my blogs and started following me on here. Thats really kind of you to take the time to read and follow me. Means the world to me! Thank you so so so so much from the bottom of my heart 🙂

If you’re thinking yeah yeah just like my blog back then I will … when I remember, I have a terrible memory but I’ve concluded it could be an aspie issue 101 – I’m too self-centred to think about others to consider following back, it escapes my mind very quickly! I know this can make me look like a bad person but I really can’t help it!

Right back to me & Disney. Check out my shoes I’m in the process of making:

image1.JPG

I’m so fed up of waiting for someone like Vans to bring our Disney shoes that I want (plus shoes that aren’t expensive) I’ve decided to do my own. I enjoyed it so much I might start selling some once I’ve perfected the technique! Keep your eyes peeled for awesome shoes that I can make for you (that are cheaper than Vans!!).

Also I’d like to shout out to any Salvationists out there, leave me a comment or something! I didn’t realise you guys are all around the world! While planning my trip to Walt Disney World next March (7 months to go, YAY!) I tried to source out a church so me and the hubby didn’t miss our sunday worship and guess what … yes you got it, I found the local Salvation Army church in Orlando – see you guys in March 😉

Right I’m off to finish reading a book by William Booth …

P.S the feature picture I chose because it made me laugh and reminded me of our cat Belle when shes asleep in the bathroom sink and you need to brush your teeth!

I’m joining the army … no The Salvation Army, silly!

Ok so that ghost hunt was terrible. We left early because it was so unorganised I think the ghosts left early too!

Being a new Christian I started exploring religion a few months back decided whether is was for me or not. Having a mum who burns when she walks into a church (shes so anti-religion) I never had the chance to experience it. Then I married a part time catholic (he went to church once a year because his mum told him to and hes obviously has sex before marriage!) and my curosity got the better of me.

After research more and reading all the usual books like Why? Why God? etc. I started going to church. My local church is the stereotypical old stone building, lots of old people, nagging for mon- oh sorry, I mean sending round a collection plate etc. We liked it, everyone gave me their phone number and a activity they run during the week (litter picking just isn’t my thing, sorry!) and it was lovely. But I didn’t feel like I was there to praise and love this almighty being. I was looking for a teacher to teach me about Jesus not a bunch of old people telling me I should surredner all my money and keep my local village clean.

One Tuesday evening I was in youth club doing my usually voluntary arts and craft activity and a lady came in to help out. She was here to get more involved in the community as she worked in the local school. She told me her name was Sam and that she was a minister. Oh my days, it was either a coincidence or Gods slight hand guiding this meeting. Instead of me doing the expected thing in society and making small talk, my face lit up and I started talking all about my exploration of religion. Whether she liked it or not shes had just made a new friend because she was just who I was looking for.

Well all these months later I am very blessed to say Sam has kindly been mentoring me & the hubby in religion, teaching us through the Alpha course, welcomed me and the hubby into her church and very soon we will be proudly signing out names as Salvationists (people who are a part of The Salvation Army). Sam has opened our hearts to Jesus Christ, shown us what it is like to be loved by Him and how to love Him in return.

Sam and her wonderful hubby Jonathon (and Joey the greyhound) are always there to answer my questiosn, whether it be in church or a 2am text! They’ve welcomed us into their loving home sharing their knwoledge and love of Jesus so we can become better people in His name and spread the Good News! We where also so warmly welcomed into the local Core church where Jonathon currently works, meeting more wonderful people. I feel like I’m part of Jesus Christ’s family of followers!

When I’m with Sam & Jonathon and other Salvationists, I get that feeling I’ve been expecting. The feeling that I am sharing Good News with other followers of Christ and it makes me so happy and excited that I want to feel Him in my life every minute of every day.

“Called to be disciples of Jesus Christ, The Salvation Army United Kingdom Territory with the Republic of Ireland exists to save souls, grow saints and serve suffering humanity.”

Well that went a little more soppy than I expect!

 

Picture and quote from http://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/

 

Is that a ghost I see before me?

Its been a day or 2 since I last blogged. I have calmed down and now back at my happy disney obsession level!

I wish I could be blogging something really interesting but nothing had happened. Plus I don’t think anyone reads these so I guess its a win win situation.

I have something a little bit exciting tonight, I’m going ghost hunting (again). I go ghost hunting quite a lot. If you’re ever in the mood for a ghost hunt (and live in Merseyside, England or Wales, check out DeadLive on Facebook – thats who we go with!)

Tonight is a one off with another company. We are going to New Brighton Police Station, well its now a community centre but it was a police station. I’m rather on the fence when it comes to the paranormal. I’m fed up of table tipping (everyone in the group puts their figertips lightly on the edge of a table and ask the spirit to use our engery and tip the table). With everyone having their finger tips on it you’re never sure! I want to see a full on ghost!

It also suits my sensory needs perfectly as an aspie – silent, dark, dead of night (as I don’t sleep!) and no-one talks to each other as we are all listening for the tapping or footsteps! It could advertised as autism friendly, I love it! Oh well you need to not be scared, then it would be perfect!

Plus I have the problem of understanding where religion comes into it. I’m currently exploring religion and I’m not sure if Jesus would be happy with me if I’m seeking out ghosts!

Anyway, wish me well guys! If I don’t post again within 2 days I’ve probably been posessed by a demon, died and gone to hell!

Remember, check us out at DeadLive! (I say us as we do go with them quite a bit, feel like part of the family when James is actually talking to us!) They have a awesome spirit talking device box that has been made by one of the staff called Robbie. Hes a bloody genius when it comes to creating them!! (Hes also taking order, check out the DeadLive Facebook page to see them in operation!)

https://www.facebook.com/DEADLIVEUK/?fref=ts

Or check out my cover picture ^^^